Repeating the Same Patterns Without Realising

1 Understand the core chain

1. A difficult situation or relationship dynamic happens
2. The situation is seen as isolated or down to circumstances, not as part of a pattern
3. No link is made with similar past situations
4. The same underlying pattern repeats in a new context
5. The difficulty continues without awareness, since the connecting thread is never identified

“A pattern that’s never named as one just keeps showing up as a series of unrelated bad luck.”

2 Recognise how it shows up

• Body: A strange sense of déjà vu or familiarity in a difficult situation, without consciously recognising it.
• Thoughts: “This keeps happening to me for some reason”, “It’s just bad luck, I suppose.”
• Behaviours: Repeatedly getting into similar difficult dynamics in relationships or situations.

One isolated sign is not enough to define a pattern.

3 The cycle how it keeps going

1. Difficult situation
2. Seen as isolated
3. No link with the past
4. Pattern repeats
5. No awareness

…and back to the start.

4 Explore questions to go further

• Looking at several difficult situations, what do they actually have in common?
• What role have I consistently played in these repeated situations?
• What would change if this were named explicitly as a pattern, rather than a series of unrelated events?

5 Go deeper needs and beliefs

6 Next steps where to go from here

• List several past difficult situations and look explicitly for common threads.
• Name any pattern you find directly, in specific and concrete terms.
• Think about which role you’ve consistently played in these repeated situations.